I read a great Bill Hybels’ article this morning on keeping Conflict above Ground: Building community out of controversy. Our pastor quoted from it during his sermon.
Here’s the beginning:
Unity isn’t the word we use to describe relationships at Willow Creek. The popular concept of unity is a fantasyland where disagreements never surface and contrary opinions are never stated with force. We expect disagreement, forceful disagreement. So instead of unity, we use the word community.
The mark of community—true biblical unity—is not the absence of conflict. It’s the presence of a reconciling spirit.
I love that phrase “not the absence of conflict, the presence of a reconciling spirit.” I think this is a mark of a healthy team, a healthy family, a healthy marriage, as well as a healthy church. I also like his concept of learning to fight fair. I think it’s really important. I use it in counseling others who are in conflict with someone.
Are you healthy in your conversations? Are you experiencing community?
Keith,
this sounds so great in theory but I have to say that in 5 years on staff in 4 different assignments (on three different continents) I have yet to see it lived out. We say we don’t want the absence of conflict, but in actuality we live out quite the opposite.
I’m afraid we’re an organization of chickens when it comes to dealing with conflict.
Not trying to be a downer, this is just my personal experience,
Eric
Thanks for stopping by and for sharing your thoughts, Eric. I invite you to consider my team. We definitely traffic in lively, productive conflict. My job is to make sure it’s always a safe place (in the many meanings of that term!). I do agree that we in our ministry don’t always live this out well. I’ve served in places where it was a reality and in places where it was not a reality. Sometimes, I think our misunderstanding of constructive conflict is a faulty understanding of Spirit-filled and living out God’s will, the untrue idea that if all are Spirit-filled and hearing from God, we’ll have agreement. That’s uniformity of understanding of God’s will, and terrible uniformity of the unique people God has made us to be. The real miracle is not that we are uniform in our understandings and actions, but that we can experience supernatural unity in the midst of our differences.